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What I Talk About When I Talk About Photography

January 6, 2023

I never understood what it meant to become a photographer. A big part of taking photos was merely to capture parts of my life because of having a terrible memory that warrants for some form of documentation. My appreciation for the medium took it’s time to manifest, stemming from the idea that I heard from a photographer I admire that everything about who you are, your style, character, interests, and feelings dictate the art that you produce. These days, I do my best in carrying that mindset in my approach to art.

Early Days (2018-2019)

            I started taking photos back in 2017, when I was in high school. I was going on a band trip to New York, and I had asked my family if I could borrow our camera to document my first big trip as a teenager. I had no idea what I was doing really, just mindlessly aiming to capture whatever I could at each moment, mostly of my friends. Though I look back at the few photos I’ve managed to retain with a warm heart, indicating the start of my interests in both traveling and more importantly, documenting. The following year, after a few impulsive decisions with friends, we had the idea to travel again to New York City, but this time through the Amtrak’s California Zephyr. The California Zephyr was a train that would run from San Francisco to Chicago in the span of 50 hours, with a connecting train known as the Lake Shore Limited completing the trip to NYC in 22 more hours. We started at the nearest station to us in Davis, California. I was obsessed with NYC, probably stemming from watching too many Casey Neistat YouTube vlogs as a teen. In this trip, we made an effort to document as much as possible, eventually creating a video of our own, capturing the wonder of adventure of “free” teenagers. This, being my first trip absent of any parental guidance started a desire to travel as much as possible, to experience parts of the world that I wasn’t familiar with and embracing them with an open heart.

Taken During Our Amtrak Trip in 2017

            I almost decided to quit photography in the later half of 2018. Being in college now and focusing more on my studies with the hopes of transferring to a four year university on schedule I had less and less time to take photos. Despite still finding time to go on small day trips, I questioned the point of carrying a camera with me. What was I trying to capture really? I was inspired by my contemporaries yet found there successes to be too far out for me to ever achieve. For a time, I stuck to taking photos on my phone, which explains why much of my time in community college felt like a blur as there no were little to no photos to ground myself.

Photos Taken From 2018-2019

Film (2020-2021)

            At the start of 2020 I had plans to study abroad in Tokyo for an internship. I was at UC Davis now, and with time on my hands and support of my parents it was going to happen in the summer. How excited I was to spend the summer of 2020, during the Olympics of all years in Tokyo. I was done doing initial interviews and was awaiting my placement when the pandemic started. And there began a short lived and semi-disappointing university experience, comprising of Zoom classes and long days spent out home. I remember making a pact with George, a friend I made while in Davis that if my study abroad program was cancelled and classes went online, we would both buy film cameras. Shooting film wasn’t anything new to me, but I never saw the value of shooting in a medium that was slower in every way and limited in shots. We were both inspired by many of our contemporaries though, like Willem Verbeeck and Joe Greer so we both decided to get Mamiya RB67’s imported from Japan. The RB67, referring to the rotating back and 6x7 sized negatives was arguably the most difficult camera I’ve ever used. Lacking a light meter while being over 7 LBS, this medium format film camera begged to be utilized with a gentle hand and with intention. The film was expensive, and teaching myself to develop and scan film (since film labs were still closed) led to a lot of time relearning the process of creating a photo and smelly, C-41 scented bathrooms.

            I never felt more rewarded in being a photographer than when I was shooting film. I carried little belief in the medium of a camera dictating the quality of an image, but the sheer slowness of shooting on a medium format film camera altered my perspective in how I documented. I was intentional with how I shot. I had ten frames per roll before having to reload, I needed to make them count. The framing of the composition needed to be perfect. Was this the correct aperture and shutter speed? Was my dark slide still inside of the camera? Did I even remember to put film in my camera? I was forced to really understand my subject before taking the photo. To slow down and to understand why I wanted to take certain photos. To be fully involved in the process of creating an image. Unloading the film in the dark and pouring stinky chemicals into them to create a negative. Drying them for hours, scanning, and then editing the image to how I see fit. I was fully in control of this craft, whether for better or for worst. I made mistakes taking photos and hold many regrets in how my compositions turned out. Though these regrets demonstrated my recognition of the mistakes I’ve made and my willingness to grow and improve through them.

Grand Tetons National Park, Wyoming

Photos Shot on Film

Finding my Style (2022)

            I eventually stopped shooting film photography and made the transition back into digital. Film was getting too expensive and carrying a big camera everywhere was cumbersome to say the least. I acquired a Fujifilm camera in 2021 as it felt like a film camera without costing as much to operate. The format of the camera meant very little to me but acted as a tool for me to translate the ideas in my head to an image. I had the joy of bringing this camera on many trips, from a month road tripping around the states, to a month in Europe, and countless trips in and around California. I wanted to capture as much as my life as possible and create work that was true to myself. Never being an outspoken person, my art and images acted as a way for me to put myself out into the world. I reflected on myself through my work but found many difficulties in reaching down to my darkest, truest parts. The parts that ached, the pain, and loneliness translated in the form of a still image. I became tied to my work in the sense that I could recall the emotions I carried at the time of shooting them. It was hard to describe to explain how I take photos or what I looked for because it just felt like an extension of me.

To be a photographer, an artist, is to reflect on yourself. To ask questions and look for answers in your work. To see yourself and the space you occupy and how these two worlds intercept. It is to create work that lives beyond you and immortalizes your being. To capture a fleeting moment and pour a part of one’s thoughts into the world. Seeing this hectic world and making sense of it.

            There’s much to still learn about photography. My interests and style are constantly changing. I’ll probably continue to have feelings of self-doubt, periods of lulls, and mental blocks when it comes to creating. But I never want to stop taking photos and experience what the world has to offer. Sometimes I feel so far away from the world, but art is one of the few constants in my life that can bring me back into reality.

Notes

I still have a lot to learn when it comes to writing and putting my thoughts down when it comes to my work. I wrote this in the span of one sitting, with just the few thoughts I had previously written down and a recoupling of the most significant aspects of my photography journey that I could muster up right now. There is probably a lot that I forgot to mention or could have gone into more detail about, but I feel like this has already gone on long enough, so I can save that for another time. I hope to write more often. To give more context behind my thought process and share more about myself to those that are interested in hearing. I appreciate those that have made it this far and are reading this right now, you are the reason why I never want to stop creating. The support of you inspires me to continue sharing this little part of my world, so thank you.